Michelle Neuhauser had no idea who she had become. Drugs affected her appearance in drastic ways.

“It was like I was dead inside, and I didn’t really care what happened to me because I had let everyone down. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t even recognize myself because of the drugs,” Neuhauser said.

Sadly, Neuhauser’s gateway into addiction is all too common. After having two knee surgeries back-to-back, she became addicted to pain pills in her late 20s. This was at a time when she had two toddlers running around.

“I was in a lot of pain all of the time,” Neuhauser added.

Neuhauser and her children moved in with her ex-boyfriend. He also struggled with drugs, and they would fight over who would get what.

“I decided to try the needle, which I never thought I would, but I did,” she said. “We had two, so I hid the second one between the mattresses. My three year-old daughter found it the next morning and squirted it in the air. My first thought was not, is my daughter OK, but that she wasted the dope. That’s when I knew I had a problem.”

In her early 30s, Neuhauser and her boyfriend were evicted and became homeless for a couple of years. They were on the streets or sleeping in motels. Meanwhile, her mom gained custody of her children.

“Everything that I had loved, I lost.”

Neuhauser also dealt with domestic violence.

“I didn’t leave the relationship sooner because of shame, loneliness, and hope that it would eventually stop,” Neuhauser added. “I was ashamed because I thought I deserved it. A lot of times I was terrified … I was his victim. I was his captive.”

Neuhauser was in and out of treatment for the next couple of years. She arrived at St. Jude in March 2003, where she stayed for about a year. St. Jude was a program focused on helping women with substance use recovery. (This program is no longer a part of our present services, as we have shifted our resources).

“All I had was a Kroger bag, but I was away from all the drama,” she said. “It made me feel very safe to know where I was coming home to every night and that I was loved no matter what. It was a great feeling, and I didn’t want to lose that feeling. There was no abuse. It wasn’t conditional. It was unconditional. It filled my heart with joy. It helped me to get through the temptations because they were everywhere.”

The St. Jude staff helped her secure an apartment, furniture, and her driver’s license. After two years without seeing her daughters, she was able to start spending time with them on the weekends. She has now been sober for 21 years.

“It was just uplifting. There was just love there. So many things in life I forgot how to do,” she said. “We did life together. The dinners. The meetings. The support systems. They taught me a lot about discipline … It had been a long time since I experienced genuine relationships without drugs.”

Neuhauser has been married for 11 years now, owns a home in southern Indiana, and enjoys seeing her grandchildren.

Tony Nochim
Source: St. Vincent de Paul Louisville website