“People who think that they know everything,” the old saying goes, “are very annoying to those of us that do.” Nobody is quite sure who coined that phrase, although it was first attributed in print to Harold Coffin, an Associated Press humor columnist. The reason it remains popular is that it reminds us of the truth that ego can lead us to the very faults we condemn. For Vincentians, it also reminds us of the necessity of humility and simplicity for discernment, friendship, leadership, and growth in holiness.
Deciding things in secret, thinking the worst of others without speaking to them face to face, is contrary to simplicity, which demands that we say what we mean, and humility, which demands that we never assume we know best. It is very easy, for example, to imagine all sorts of bad motivations for a neighbor, and to decide, even among members who have never met that neighbor, the best way to help. It is more difficult, and therefore more necessary, for the home visitors to simply have a conversation; to reassure the neighbor that we are not looking for reasons to “cut them off,” but to learn how best we might help. When we open our own hearts, more often than not, the neighbors open their hearts to us. When we have questions, both simplicity and friendship demand that we ask them. As Frédéric put it, we must have the “courage and the belief that the loveliest of sacrifices one can make for a friend is to tell him what you think even at the risk of displeasing him.” [15, to Materne, 1830]
In a similar way, one of the most pervasive (and pernicious) views of leadership is the idea that the leader is the one who always knows best, who makes every decision, and exercises leadership best by telling others what to do. This belief can lead those entrusted with leadership to make decisions in isolation, and without explanation. We see this in many spheres – politicians, bosses, or military officers who demand obedience, but receive it only at the expense of loyalty, fostering organizations mired in secrecy, in which rival cliques form, and unity of purpose is shattered.
By contrast, leaders in the Society are expected to serve the members in the same way that members serve the neighbor. Servant leaders do not make the decisions for their Conference or Council, but rather fulfill the decisions, arrived at through open dialog, discernment, and consensus of all the members. Nobody is excluded; all are heard in meetings that are held “in a spirit of fraternity, simplicity, and Christian joy.” [Rule, Part I, 3.4]
Whether it is a neighbor or another member, we must never assume that we know best nor talk about people without talking to them – nor allow others to do so. These are duties of friendship, demands of simplicity, and hallmarks of humility. And as Vincent teaches, “Our Lord is found and is pleased only in humility of heart and simplicity in words and actions; it’s futile to look for Him elsewhere.” [CCD XII:182-3]
Contemplate
Do I sometimes avoid conversations because I am afraid I will learn that my opinion is wrong?
By Timothy Williams,
Senior Director of Formation & Leadership Development
Society of St. Vincent de Paul USA.
Thanks, Fr. Tim, for this. It ties in very well, I believe, to what Pope Leo XIV tells the Cardinals at the Extraordinary Consistory. He reminds them of his wish that “meetings might help us to learn ever more to ‘work together in the service of the Church’ and to continue ‘a dialogue that assists me in serving the mission of the whole Church’.”
He also tells them: “First of all, we are invited to contemplate the world in which the Church is called to proclaim the Gospel. Before asking ourselves what to do, we must pause to consider reality, looking at it through the eyes of faith and allowing ourselves to be challenged by listening to our brothers and sisters.”