As loneliness increases in France, those affected do not easily turn to associations. Yet social connections are vital for each of us. A report among those committed to preserving them.

It was her health problems that caused Lætitia to fall at the same time into both hardship and loneliness, when she became disabled and her husband, followed by her relatives, turned their backs on her. Caught in a spiral of lost confidence, this single mother delayed for a long time the moment of asking for help, even as she skipped meals so she could feed her son. Before rediscovering a social life at the Café Sourire of the Society of Saint Vincent de Paul in Nieppe (Nord), Lætitia experienced “days without purpose, all the same,” with no one to whom she could confide the emotions related to her chaotic medical journey.

Like her, people suffering from loneliness are difficult to reach: “We don’t dare say that we feel lonely,” notes Serge Gillotin, president of the Saint Vincent de Paul volunteer team in Luçon (Vendée). According to him, “people often feel a certain modesty; they don’t dare ask for help because they tell themselves they already have a roof over their heads…”

Yet from isolated students to seniors living in nursing homes, including those affected by widowhood or isolated in rural areas, one in four people today reports feeling lonely—a figure that rises to one in two among those affected by poverty.

Effects on health

Loneliness is harmful: “Older people who live alone at home often suffer from loss of motivation, depression, and even malnutrition when they lose the pleasure of eating because they are always dining alone,” says Estelle de Saint-Bon, CEO of Ensemble2Générations, a shared housing program between seniors and young people.

Many studies have also demonstrated its harmful effects on physical and mental health or, among younger people, on absenteeism and academic performance.

“If it most often appears during transition periods, such as bereavement, separation, or moving, loneliness becomes problematic when it becomes chronic because it creates a habituation effect that makes it difficult to get out of,” explains Arnaud Gouilliart, executive director of the French Foundation for Social Connections, recently created to promote prevention initiatives against isolation and loneliness.

This has consequences for society as a whole: “A person who suffers from loneliness has more difficulty accepting others and becomes more distrustful. Over time, the increase in loneliness becomes a threat to social cohesion—and even to democracy.”

Encouraging people to speak up

Given this high social cost, Arnaud Gouilliart calls on public decision-makers to take ownership of an issue “that many mistakenly consider a private matter.”

Meanwhile, volunteers from nonprofit organizations are active on the ground, as in the many Café Sourire initiatives opened by the Society of Saint Vincent de Paul.

In Nieppe, this takes place on Saturday mornings from 9 a.m. to noon during food distribution. Dominique Decoune, president of the local team, moves from table to table and makes sure people can talk with one another:

“I start small conversations, for example by asking them how they’re going to cook the food.”

Through attentive listening—and because volunteers cultivate a spirit of kindness that avoids judgment—people gradually begin to open up, and week after week friendships are formed:

“I can clearly see that now participants choose their table based on who they want to meet again,” the president observes.

For its part, the Cop1 association, founded “by young people for young people” during the COVID period to combat student poverty, is also attentive to student loneliness. Its latest annual Student Poverty Barometer, conducted with IFOP, shows that students are twice as affected by loneliness as the general population.

During its food distributions, the association tries to “break the barrier of shame” by playing music and using informal address. It also organizes sports or cultural activities, as well as “feasts”—meals that young people cook together before sharing them—while making sure the groups remain small to encourage everyone to speak and to build connections.

Paying attention to early warning signs

Promoted for several years in social work settings, the “outreach” approach is valuable in the fight against loneliness. It involves making contact with people who do not express requests or reach out to support services, meeting them where they live.

In Luçon, after accompanying someone affected by loneliness following the death of her husband, Serge Gillotin is working with his team on a “bereaved families” service. Volunteers from the local Saint Vincent de Paul team would provide phone support to people referred by the parish funeral ministry team, which remains attentive to early warning signs of loneliness:

“We must be especially vigilant, for example, with people who go through this trial in complete silence—their grief needs to be expressed,” he warns.

In this service, as in all initiatives that fight loneliness, listening is the key to restoring trust and rebuilding connections.

“For this, the spirit of the Society of Saint Vincent de Paul helps us greatly,” says Hubert de Lamotte. One of the keys to the success of the Café Sourire held every Wednesday afternoon with the Bayeux (Calvados) team, where he serves as president, lies in the natural balance that has developed among participants: cathedral parishioners, people receiving support, seniors, children…

“In the Society of Saint Vincent de Paul,” he adds, “we don’t ‘do charity’; we try to live with people. It is through our simple presence that they eventually come to trust us and let down the barriers they have built around themselves.”

We don’t dare say that we feel lonely.

Sophie Le Pivain, freelance journalist
Source: https://www.ssvp.fr/ozanam-magazine/dossiers/solitude-quand-la-presence-fait-la-difference

Board games and good cheer at Café Sourire in Bordeaux.