There are few things that can cheer a parent’s heart more than to hear their child exclaim, “This was the best day of my life!” Hearing this is one of the best moments of the parent’s life, no matter what else is going on in the world, no matter the worries of the days ahead that may weigh on us. And although that child has many more days ahead of him – some happy, some sad – he will always remember this one, not for whatever activities made him so happy, but for the happiness itself. The memory of days and moments like these can help carry us through times of trial.

One of the great burdens of poverty, whether it is short-term, situational poverty or lifelong, generational poverty, is the feeling of isolation and abandonment that it can engender. Overwhelmed by what seem to be insurmountable challenges can cause us not only to lose hope, but to lose the energy to even try to find a way out. Even Vincentian home visitors can become overwhelmed by the stories we hear and discouraged that we can’t solve every problem. It can cause us to lose sight of why we go to the poor in the first place.

How often do we hear that we are the only ones who returned the call for help? How often, when we depart, does the neighbor offer heartfelt thanks for our visit “even if you can’t help”? The poet Maya Angelou once said that “people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

While it is true that we also help with bills, rent, food, and “any form of help that alleviates suffering or deprivation” [Rule, Part I, 1.3], those are not the things that wipe away tears, or make future burdens lighter. Rather, it is when our presence and our caring allow them to “catch a glimpse of God’s great love for them” [Rule, Part I, 2.1] that the visit can become one of those moments that buoys the spirits not only today, but for many days to come.

We have all called friends in times of distress, not because we thought they could do anything about the illness, job loss, or other difficulty we were facing, but because we needed them to share our burden, to remind us by their presence and understanding that we are not alone. It is for exactly that reason that our Rule calls us to “establish relationships based on trust and friendship.” [Rule, Part I, 1.9]

We always give generously, we always provide whatever material assistance we can, but we must always also be mindful that even if “I give away everything I own…but do not have love, I gain nothing.” We visit as friends in the hope above all that the neighbor will buoyed, today and in days to come, by how we made them feel: loved.

Contemplate

How can I be a better friend to the neighbor?

By Timothy Williams,
Senior Director of Formation & Leadership Development
Society of St. Vincent de Paul USA.